The ancients believed there were four soups that governed human behaviour. These were Minestrone, Mushroom, Chicken, and (of course) Cream of Tomato.
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The ancients had four soft drinks which were known to cure most ailments.
Sanguine was a fizzy citrus drink based on fruit very similar to the tangerine, it was known to bring spontaneity and vitality. The beverage is known in popular culture as the drug of choice of many children's television personalities, notably 20th century painter, Elizabethan philosopher and Blue Peter presenter Richard Francis-Bacon.
Coca-choler was consumed mainly in the hot dry months of summer and was originally produced in the fabled city of Atlanta where it was used to cure phlegm, which became a problem for the denizens of Atlanta when the city was submerged during the time of the Greek collegiate system. (For more information on Atlanta and the origins of Coca-choler, see the writings of the epic poet Homer Simpson)
Melancholic was the black bile like drink. It was favoured by the gentle and pondersome, aiding creativity, although it was prone to make the drinker pre-occupied with the cruelties and tragedies of the world. Hence-forth the drink was forced to the peripheries of civilisation known as the Celtic fringe; it is however now enjoying a burgeoning resurgence under the guise of portas and stouts such as Guinness.
The phlegmatic has remained the most prominent of the four curative drinks; as Influenza and Valetudinaria remain the most prolific threats to western democracy and our National Health Saviours. Influenza has been known in recent years to have sent wild birds across the North Sea to infect our poultry, particularly the Jamieoliver variety, in some cases fungi such as the Fearnly-Whittingstall have been known to be carriers. Vicks and Beechams are the latest brands to offer protective phlegmatics against foreign strains and other mucus related problems encountered in the War on Terror.
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