Showing posts with label police. Show all posts
Showing posts with label police. Show all posts

Police

The British police force was founded in the 19th Century for the purpose of crowd control at public executions and Queen-worshipping events.  Dressed in tweed and sporting a remarkably tall top hat, a policeman was a dapper addition to every street corner.  The hat was the policeman’s secret weapon, containing a periscope, a stick, a brandy flask, a pencil case, a whistle (for umpiring urchin-races) and a thinking pipe (for partaking of tobacco while puzzling over the latest daring escapade by a dashing gentleman thief).
In the early days, policemen were known as ‘bobbies’ because the standard police haircut was an attractive bob.  Their stylish look led to them being called pigs, which was an acronym for People in Glamorous Suits.  They were also known as ‘coppers’ because they could be rented at a reasonable rate of 1d for 20 minutes or 2d for an hour.  This led to another nickname, ‘peelers’, since policemen were often hired by busy housewives to help with food preparation.

The police have changed substantially since the early days.  Modern police constables carry gamma rays and can interrogate suspects through telepathy.   They are trained in a wide range of skills from victim support (‘They stole your legs! Let me get you a chair’) to kettling, which is making tea for protestors.

Crime

A crime is any action that breaks the law. Crimes range from minor misdemeanours like parking one's car upside down, cheese theft or noisy breathing, to major crimes like murder or poking the Queen's corgi.

Crimes are investigated by the Police. When the Police apprehend a criminal, they often interview the miscreant using a routine known as 'good cop, bad cop and ugly cop'.
This is not the only form of criminal investigation that has its own theme music. Forensic experts normally work to a dark ambient track, while police chases on foot are generally accompanied by the Benny Hill theme.

If a criminal is convicted by a court of law, there are a number of punishments that may be ordered. Fines and prison sentences are common, but a prisoner could also be sentenced to the Cool Hand Luke egg challenge, or performing one of the 12 Labours of Hercules (except for capturing Cerberus, since the latter was destroyed in accordance with the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991).