A crime is any action that breaks the law. Crimes range from minor misdemeanours like parking one's car upside down, cheese theft or noisy breathing, to major crimes like murder or poking the Queen's corgi.

Crimes are investigated by the Police. When the Police apprehend a criminal, they often interview the miscreant using a routine known as 'good cop, bad cop and ugly cop'.
This is not the only form of criminal investigation that has its own theme music. Forensic experts normally work to a dark ambient track, while police chases on foot are generally accompanied by the Benny Hill theme.

If a criminal is convicted by a court of law, there are a number of punishments that may be ordered. Fines and prison sentences are common, but a prisoner could also be sentenced to the Cool Hand Luke egg challenge, or performing one of the 12 Labours of Hercules (except for capturing Cerberus, since the latter was destroyed in accordance with the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991).

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