Bee Featers, black taxes, Big Bill & Ben.

London was founded by Romans on their way to the Edinburgh Fringe, where they were going to perform Up Pompeii! The Musical. After building London Bridge, St Pauls (which was originally a cinema) and Buckingham Palace they moved on, and the city went into economic decline.
The show, however, got 4 stars in The Scotsman.

By medieval times London was growing again, on the back of a boom in pointy shoes and grisly torture devices. The medieval city was full of nooks, crannies, and winding streets, and by 1666 it had become so difficult to navigate around the metropolis that it was decided to burn it down and start again.

Newly rebuilt London became the powerhouse of the British Empire, until a band of cockney architectural rebels led by Tony 'Jellied Eels' Soprano began to campaign for a repeat of the 17th Century conflagration. Teaming up with 'Knees Up, Eva Braun' Hitler and 'Arf a pahnd a pahnd' Goerring, in 1939 the rebels started a 'blitz' on old-fashioned architecture, and much of the city was laid waste. Over the succeeding decades, many areas of London were rebuilt in a futuristic style comprising massive grey cubes of concrete which smelled of wee.

Modern London is a vibrant, vigorous, vibrating city with a thriving cultural scene, based around music, theatre and ignoring people. It is said that in London you are never more than 4 feet away from an art student.
The city can be found on most regular maps, between the second fold and the picture of a Kraken.


Ell said...

You are as mysterious as you are talented, Dr Theophilus Pudding.
To clarify, I find you very mysterious.

Dr Theophilus Pudding said...

Thank you, and thank you for your clarification.

baconetti said...

reminds me of what Martin Heidegger postulated about a 'Designer' never being further than 4 foot from a pair of Van Gogh's shoes but was susequently proved wrong by Jean ' McGritty' Baudrillard who discovered that the scratch n sniff paintings were infact made from used odour eaters where clever forgeries produced by the Brittney Spears fan club!!