Letters are the constituent parts of the written word, where each letter represents a different sound, such as ' ' or ' '. The collective noun for a flock of letters is an alphabet. There are 26 letters in common usage in written English, but in fact the full version of the English alphabet contains almost 300 letters; most of these are rarely used, being both silent and invisible.
The following, in order of appearance in Jane Austen's classic novel Men and Menstruation, are the most commonly used household letters, such as one might find in any regular coffee table book or hairdryer instruction manual:
- Bb or B flat is the silent B, which occurs in words such as 'bomb' (pronounced 'om').
- Q is an unnecessary letter, which could easily be replaced by K, but it is often said that the English like to form a Q out of politeness.
- T is the opposite of S. It is the most widely-used drink in the English alphabet.
- W is named ‘Double U', or ‘U2' for short, but it is in fact two Vs conjoined and is therefore worth ten.
Since a Royal Mail rule change in 2007, the price of sending a letter in the UK has varied according to the letter's size. This means that the cost of sending a large X to an aunt in Inverness would be upwards of 92 pence.* Pre-2007 letters are now obsolete, but one could use any found lying about the house to make alphabet soup, which should be served cold, like revenge or gazpacho.
*ie, 93 pence.
Letters
Celebrities
Celebrities are everywhere these days, but you can usually get rid of them with a special comb or shampoo. Celebrities are human beings who have attained an elevated social status in virtue of hard work performed in the jungle or forgetting to wear underwear when climbing out of a limo.
The ancient Greeks were the first to formulate a notion of celebrity. Athenian citizens could vote on a fellow citizen to be a celebrity for 8 years, after which he would be allowed to return to Athens, although by that time everyone had forgotten who he was and you could buy all his movies in a Texaco garage for 50p.
Whilst the position of soup du jour is no longer subject to such time limits, many celebrities find themselves sadly forgotten about after just a brief moment in the limelight. The famous hairdresser and greengrocer Andy Warhol once famously remarked that he would be famous in 15 minutes, before recording his number one hit Spiders from Mars are Coming Down the Stairs.
Soups
The ancients believed there were four soups that governed human behaviour. These were Minestrone, Mushroom, Chicken, and (of course) Cream of Tomato.