Science was invented in fin-de-siecle Norway by Roald Dahl who was wondering how long he should leave his socks in the tumble dryer. To answer his own question, he divided the situation into three disciplines: Biology, Chemistry and the Physic. In so doing, he not only discovered that socks should be tumble dried for an optimum time of 7.3 mins, but also generated an infinite field of academic enquiry that has chanced upon the answers to some of life's greatest mysteries, such as Geoff Capes or Nicholas Parsons.
Most of science takes place in people's basements or in the spare room. To qualify as a scientist, it is required that you wear a proud moustache and own at least one change of underwear for every day of the week. If you want to apply to be a member of the scientific community, you have to fill in a form with your name and your birthday and what you want for Christmas and tick a box for which discipline you feel best suited: Biology, Chemistry or Advanced Eugenics. If you tick the last box a policeman may come round to your house though, so be sure to answer the question correctly.
Some famous scientists include people like Poirot, Inspector Morse, Columbo and Tosh (from The Bill). Some of the more well known scientific discoveries include how to get tiny ships in wine bottles and Nicholas Parsons.

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