Gods

Gods are magical people who live in the sky, although some live underground, while others like to spend time in churches and other religious buildings. Most gods are immortal, which means they set on fire easily. This is why many churches have holy water in strategic places.

The majority of gods are humanoid in appearance. Some have extra body parts - 8 arms, or 2 heads, or 40 beards - while some are zoomorphic (a form of stop-motion animation using plasticine).

All gods have jobs. Some are carpenters, others create weather or ensure good harvests, while some work in admin or as teaching assistants.

Here are some popular gods, with a brief description of what they do:

Hareth - god of digital piracy
Hareth wears a hat of flames, but he takes it off whenever he goes into a restaurant.

Sham - god of eggy bread
Sham is green and speaks all the languages of the Indian subcontinent except Malayalam.

Lorica - god of creative accounting and petfood
Lorica sometimes comes to earth disguised as a South London bus driver called Michael.

Elro - god of setting fire to bins
Elro is rather dapper, but moves at light speed so you are unlikely to catch a glimpse of him.

Ip - god of glossy cookbooks
Ip is reborn each year during the Eurovision song contest. Nul points, Ip!

Limpy - god of hunting gazelle with laser beams
Limpy has one million legs and no arms, so spends a lot of money on shoes, but on the flipside never has to worry about gloves.

Urk - god of shaving foam
Urk exists purely as a sound, and sounds a bit like a motorbike breaking down, and a bit like a baby sneezing.

Plappaplip - god of shouting at trees and shrubs
Plappaplip likes wining, dining and mining.

Zem - god of embarrassing behaviour at weddings
Zem is fifteen minutes behind GMT so is difficult to have a conversation with. He has previously been the god of 00 gauge model trains, nightmares and Leichtenstein.

Ramathon - god of zooming and miaowing
Ramathon has wings of gossamer and eyes of ruby. He lives in a garage near the sea-side in Essex.