Freddie Mercury

Singer, swinger, Spurs left winger

Pop starlet Freddie Mercury beguiled audiences around the world with his incredible voice and amazing hoover-pushing video antics. With his rock group Queen, he reached number one on π occasions during his lifetime, as well as topping the charts again with the re-release of the highly political hit song Bohemian Rap after his death in 1991.

Despite endless and inconclusive speculation during his life, it was not until after his death that people realised Freddie Mercury was not in fact from the planet Mercury. He was, however, formed entirely of liquid metal, rather like Robert 'T1000' Patrick, except for his moustache, which was a real moustache. This proud facial adornment was given to Freddie by an Indian chief whom the popster had rescued from a shark attack in Tooting Bec Lido in 1970.