There are two certainties in life; death and taxis. When you die, a taxi may come to pick you up to take you to Waterloo, where you can catch a Eurostar to Heaven, or Belgium as it is locally known. There are no taxis in Heaven, or Belgium, but the mayor of Belgium, Dieu K D’Hazard, has implemented an environmentally friendly scheme of bicycle lending, whereby residents may pick up one of the many bikes left lying around the streets and cycle off to whatever destination they fancy.

When you get to Heaven, which takes 2 hours 40 mins, you may care to sample the delicious delicacies on offer, such as pommes frites avec mayonnaise, or deep fried beer.

Not everybody gets to go to Heaven, or Belgium. Some may have to spend eternity in the waiting room of ABC taxis in Hayes, or Hell, as it is known locally.

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